Finding My Way Back

It's about time that I post an entry that I authored, don't ya think?  I think so.  So here I am - hopefully this will stop the ragging I've been getting from certain people at the box.....ryansammarc....

So where have I been?  In the most basic terms, I've been surviving.  I'm not going to make this entry a pity party woe is me post but I'm just being honest.  I miss my dad.  So fucking much.  I spend most days vacillating between still being in shock that he's gone to feeling angry and robbed to just wanting to curl up in my bed and cry.  I tend to do that more times than I care to admit.  There's not much that I can do these days that doesn't somehow remind me of my dad.  It's difficult.  So, with all of that, updating this blog hasn't been the first thing on my mind but I do realize that life does go on.  It has to and that's what he would want for me.

In the last few months, I've found solace and comfort between the walls of a big ol' building filled with bumper plates and boxes, tractor tires and testosterone driven men.  Most people may think that the endorphin rush you get from a good workout would lift anyone's spirit and I'm not denying that's part of the appeal.  However, deep down I know that the reason I find myself drawn to that incredibly hot building is not just for the high but also....mostly....because of the people.  Many of the individuals that make up the heart of that place are part of my family and they have become some of the most important people in my life.  My coach, my fellow athletes and their families have come to mean more to me than I can describe, have embedded themselves in my heart deeper than people I have known for decades.  We laugh together, we sweat together, we make fun of each other and push each other, we listen to Toto (over and over and over and over).  We come early and stay late.  We leave it all on the floor - blood, sweat and tears, energy, emotion and elation...it comes out in the purest form inside those four walls.  So, in my first post back from what has felt like the depths of hell, I just want to say thank you.  Thank you to my team - my family - who have gotten me through these past few months.  Thanks for not letting me give up and for making me laugh yet allowing me to cry.  Most of all.....thanks for being you.