Take A Breath And Let It Go

There's a saying about there being a beauty in letting go.
A power in the simplicity of taking a breath,
          giving up,
                  and giving in to whatever it is that is meant to happen.
To accepting yourself in all of your amazingness with all of your flaws.

I can sometimes struggle with these ideas.  Some may even say that I tend to enjoy having control of anything and everything that crosses into my little force field.  I am a fortress.  I have walls higher than most can even contemplate climbing.  I constantly compare myself to others.  I can easily feel defeated.  My flight response can sometimes be my default.

CrossFit has taught me that I am actually stronger than I ever believed but, at the same time, has exposed more weakness than I could have ever imagined.  This weekend we did testing at the gym to assess performance level.  It contained both strength and skill assessments set within rigid parameters.    I went into it knowing that I wouldn't be able to pass every test and, with that, part of me didn't even want to try.  I didn't want to expose those weaknesses in front of anyone.  I had a moment of internal panic where I looked for the nearest exit.  Unfortunately, the box is one place where you aren't able to flee.  You are forced to face each challenge and, as Sam says, to "suck it up, buttercup."  Long story short - I didn't pass all the tests. I did, however, set several records, including a 30 pound PR on my back squat, a 10 pound PR on my power clean and a 5 pound PR on my deadlift.  Even with fatigued muscles, I pushed myself harder and surpassed personal limits.  I may not have gotten a wristband, but I came closer than I actually expected and I did it with the support of my team. No one judged and everyone spent the morning supporting each other.

My walls are high and sometimes I feel they are impenetrable but there are moments where I catch glimpses of what life can be like when I let my guard down.  It's actually a pretty beautiful existence.  Whether it be at work, at the box, or in my personal life, I'm on a mission to make 2013 a year of breaking down my barriers and lowering my shield.  I will likely hurt and be hurt.  I anticipate that it will be one of the toughest things I've ever done.  In the end, though, letting go may be just the thing that sets me free.

Lead With Your Heart

I've been thinking a lot lately about the connection (or disconnection) between the heart and the head.  As a quintessential Virgo (and lawyer to boot), I have a certain tendency to want to control all aspects of my life.  I have a certain fear of just letting it all go and living in the moment.  To put it bluntly, I build walls in almost every aspect of my existence.

While allowing my head to lead in situations has most definitely served it's purpose, I think I'm finally learning what can happen when you try to control everything....

Negative thoughts lead to fear.  Fear stops progression.  Stagnancy advances failure.  Failure produces negative thoughts.  It's a cycle that can be so goddamn hard getting out of.  I admit it's a problem for me.  I fear being hurt.  I loathe being vulnerable.  I despise showing my weaknesses.  My solution? I put up a front.  I'm a tough girl, a badass, an independent chick with calloused hands who lifts heavy weights with the boys and isn't afraid to sweat. It can sound so good, right?  So tough.  So powerful.  Truth is, I'm learning that it's the biggest form of weakness there is.

When you fear being hurt, either physically or emotionally, you forget to take risks.  You don't add the extra plate to your box, the extra weight to your barbell.  You don't open your heart to other people. You don't fail because you don't try and, ultimately, that lack of attempt becomes a failure in and of itself.

Without that bit of fear, that rush of adrenaline, that butterfly wreaking havoc in your gut as you face a box jump that looks impossible, life wouldn't be worth living.  It wouldn't be a life at all.  We would never know our boundaries and then we would never be able to push past them.  We would never truly know all that we are capable of.  And we are.  We are so fucking capable.

Don't think, just do.  Don't fear, just live.  Don't try to control everything and watch just how much you actually get in return.  Don't worry about your shoulders hurting, your heart breaking, your legs failing you.  We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.  And if we get hurt, because we will, we can handle it.  We'll recover.  We'll stretch and work on mobility and ice our sore muscles.  We'll cry until we piece back together our broken heart.  We'll move forward. We'll get better.  And, if all else fails.....

Guest Post - Don't be a Delta Bravo: Do's and Don'ts of Dropping into a CrossFit Gym.

Well dear readers, let me tell you a little story.  October 2011, I started my CrossFit journey.  During my second beginner class, I met the guy who I now refer to as Coach.  Though Sam wasn't teaching the beginner class, he was at the gym waiting to start the 5:00 WOD.  I was doing pull-ups and the first thing he said to me was, "You look scared."  Yes Sam, I remember that.  You're so encouraging.....

In the last 14 or so months, Sam has been my best friend and my worst enemy.  He has torn me down (in the most necessary ways) and lifted me up.  I've called him names and he's called me out.  We've fought like siblings.  We kinda are like siblings...except he's much more annoying than my actual brother.  I don't know what it's like at your CrossFit box or with your coach, but I go to the gym each and every day and know that Sam cares.  He pays attention.  He knows my limits but also knows when I can surpass them.  He acts like a bit of a hard ass but deep down, we all know how personally invested he is in our success.  I honestly can't imagine training with or for anyone else but Sam and I say that knowing that once he reads this, he'll probably use this knowledge to his greatest advantage (and likely, my discomfort).  You can check out Sam's own blog here - he posts a great training program that I just started in addition to our regular WODs and gets off on the fact that he's already had like 800 views.  And with that, I present Sam!

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I Don’t Like You Already- “You Never Mow Another Man’s Lawn.”

            So here's the do’s and don’ts of dropping into a Crossfit Gym. I should start by explaining something before some people get really butt hurt over some of my next comments. First thing you need to understand is that you're a guest when “dropping in” on another CrossFit gym. Would you go to a party at some person's house you've never met before and act like a dick?  Probably not, right? I’m also guessing you wouldn’t walk into a stranger's house with dirty shoes and tell them to re-arrange their furniture because in your house you do it differently and it’s so much better.  Do you get where I'm going with this?

            That being said, the CrossFit community is the most welcoming and warm group of exercise enthusiasts in the world. Dropping into a CrossFit gym shouldn’t be nerve-racking.  95% percent of the people who drop into our gym are awesome and we have quite a few regular “drop ins” that we keep in touch with on a regular basis. That leaves only 5% that are total dick bags.  The other reason I’m writing this is to establish a baseline etiquette for “my” members that want to “drop in” to another gym.

DO: Call or email a week or so in advance before you plan on attending a class. Dropping in without notice is alright but I don’t recommend it. If you're dropping in with a friend from that box have your friend give a coach a heads up that you’ll be coming. Always arrive at least 10 minutes early to fill out the waiver and to find out how the class is structured.

DON’T: Show up late or right at the time the class starts. You’ve already started out on the wrong foot by showing up late and now the coach has to take class time away from the others to catch you up to speed.

                                                       DO: Ask what the drop in fee is and pay before

Karma's a bitch

class starts. This will avoid any awkward stares the coach gives you after the class is over wondering if you're going to take off without paying.     

DON’T: Take off without paying. You just received a service (coaching, space and equipment). Would you not pay the waitress at a restaurant after a meal?  I’m guessing the people who leave without paying their drop in fee are the same who dine and dash.  For those low life pussies I hope this happens the next time they lift.

DO: Ask questions since the gym that you are dropping in at might do things differently than your home gym. There’s nothing  worse than not knowing what’s going on, so be polite and ask questions.

                                                         

DON'T: Do an exercise or amount of weight that you are not comfortable with. If you haven’t done the exercise or that amount of weight at your home gym then this is no place for it. Last thing I want to do is catch a piece of your spine in the face as it shoots out of your back and sprays the gym with chunks of your vertebrae just because you wanted to impress the college girl in spandex with a 600lb deadlift.

DO: Check your ego at the door. In fact, this is important for everyone - not just the drop ins. No matter what you do, you’re not going to impress me. It will probably take me 10 seconds flat to find a fault somewhere in your movements. There's no exceptions, even for me.  I face the fact daily that there is always someone bigger, faster, stronger, smarter and better looking than me in the world. Ok, maybe not the last one. The sooner everyone thinks like that, the world will be a better place.

DON’T: Tell the coach that the prescribed weights in the WOD aren’t “CrossFit regulation”. First of all, what the fuck does “CrossFit regulation” mean? There’s no such thing as CrossFit regulation weights, fuck face. Secondly, I can program whatever I want. If I want the WOD to be 30 cock push ups for time, so be it. Guess what? I heard the 2013 CrossFit Open is going to have a WOD with snatches and cock push ups in it...better get practicing. (I’m not sure what the female equivalent for a cock push up is.)

His socks make me want to vomit

DO: Introduce yourself to as many people you can in the class. It always helps to know somebody's name if you have any questions. Oh...and if you come to my gym and everyone in class doesn’t introduce themselves to you, please let me know after class so that I can be sure to program a 35 minute AMRAP of wall balls and burpees for the next day.

DON’T: Violate the honor code. Honor code violations consist of cheating on reps, quitting the WOD, whining out loud and dudes wearing knee high socks.

 In closing it’s pretty simple:  treat people the way you would like to be treated and don’t wear knee high socks. Also, if you drop in my gym and wear a singlet for the whole class there’s no fee and I’ll give you a free t-shirt.  Think about it.

New Year, New You?

First off - Happy New Year!  I can't believe 2013 is upon us and the holidays have come and gone.  I believe that the older I get the faster the years fly by.  I am really trying to make a point to stop and appreciate all of the little wonders of life because sometimes I think we forget to appreciate it in the hustle and bustle of daily routine.

That said, I am going to just put it out there...I HATE the idea of new year resolutions.  I understand why everyone gets so excited and I am all for encouraging any type of positive behavior but I believe that resolutions have a tendency to set people up for failure as well as give us a reason to push off beneficial behaviors until January 1 comes around.  I have really started to understand that life and health is a journey and everyday we have the ability to do good to ourselves and to others.  Take this new year to make steps in the right direction but I really encourage you not to forget that we all have our bad days and we all fall off the wagon. Get back up, keep moving forward and never allow yourself to think, "Well...maybe next year."

I realize it's been way too long since I updated so I'll just give you the condensed version of my journey as of late:

1.  December box jump challenge was a miss.  I was saying "fail" but I changed that because I did not fail - I just came short.  Literally...I came one inch short of my max height jump goal. To make matters worse, it was entirely mental as is the root of my ongoing issue with box jumps.  However, I am now having no issues with doing prescribed jumps in our daily WODs and don't give the shorter boxes even so much as a second glance anymore.  That, my friends, is HUGE progress.  So, to wrap it up....box jumps - 1, Michele - 0.  Until next time, dear boxy friend.

2.  January challenge is TBD at this point which is kinda bad since we're already 7 days in.  I was frustrated about the box jumps and Sam is fairly busy, you know, coaching and preparing for the new baby which is due any second.  Needless to say, we haven't been able to discuss.  I might just keep working on my box jumps if nothing else comes to pass but we'll see.

3.  On a deeply personal level, I shared something with my coach last month that was pretty important and insanely scary to tell.  I have realized, though, that information and disclosure is power and when you share that information and build a support group, it's so much easier to deal with the fear.  No, I'm not going to share this particular story on here (yet) but it felt really good to tell Sam.  My hope is that him knowing the information will assist me in my effort to overcome the issue.  The lesson here is that people are willing to step up to the plate for us if we just have to give them the opportunity to do so.

4.  I PR'd on my overhead squat max - 90 pounds.  That's a huge accomplishment for me as overhead and front squats are difficult given my tendency to shirk on proper form and lift my heels.  Go me!

5.  Today is day 1 of 3 of a juice cleanse I decided to try.  I don't know about you, but I often feel disgusting after the merriment of holiday eating and drinking.  Juicing (with actual juice, not steroids) is supposedly a really good way to flush your body of toxins while reviving it with an insane amount of nutrients.  People juice anywhere from 1 day to 6 months (crazy if you ask me) but I decided to start with a 3 day cleanse as a way to dip my toe in.  So far today, I had a green juice that I made with kale, cucumber, romaine, ginger, pear and apple.  It's......ok.  I don't mind it but it needs a little something more next time.

My second juice I brought to work is beets, apples, carrots and ginger.  As much as I love all of those ingredients, this one is definitely not for the faint of palate.  It's liquid beets...and I like beets!  Gonna power through, though, one sip at a time.

I overcame my first mental juice hurdle during lunch today when I realized that I had signed up for a lunch and learn presentation.  I walked into the room and was overcome with the smell of crisp salads and fresh sandwiches  and it all looked so delicious.  It was a rough five minutes but when I whined about it to a friend, he came back with "You're doing good for yourself...It'll be over soon."  That was all I needed to snap back into it.  I AM doing good for myself and I don't really need to chew my meal to feel satiated.  So much of this is going to be overcoming the mental hurdles that have been ingrained in us about what to eat, how many times a day to eat, what is "normal" and what is not.  As soon as I focused on this, I was able to relax, sip my water and pay attention to something other than the munching and crunching of those around me.  All in all, not too bad (so far) but I do really miss my coffee.  Have any of you done a juice fast?  If you have, I'd love to hear about it!

So, seven days into the new year and all is going well.  I'm looking forward to a happy, healthy year filled with love, laughter, friendship, family, barbells and, yes, even some bruises.  Let's make it a good one!