Lead With Your Heart

I've been thinking a lot lately about the connection (or disconnection) between the heart and the head.  As a quintessential Virgo (and lawyer to boot), I have a certain tendency to want to control all aspects of my life.  I have a certain fear of just letting it all go and living in the moment.  To put it bluntly, I build walls in almost every aspect of my existence.

While allowing my head to lead in situations has most definitely served it's purpose, I think I'm finally learning what can happen when you try to control everything....

Negative thoughts lead to fear.  Fear stops progression.  Stagnancy advances failure.  Failure produces negative thoughts.  It's a cycle that can be so goddamn hard getting out of.  I admit it's a problem for me.  I fear being hurt.  I loathe being vulnerable.  I despise showing my weaknesses.  My solution? I put up a front.  I'm a tough girl, a badass, an independent chick with calloused hands who lifts heavy weights with the boys and isn't afraid to sweat. It can sound so good, right?  So tough.  So powerful.  Truth is, I'm learning that it's the biggest form of weakness there is.

When you fear being hurt, either physically or emotionally, you forget to take risks.  You don't add the extra plate to your box, the extra weight to your barbell.  You don't open your heart to other people. You don't fail because you don't try and, ultimately, that lack of attempt becomes a failure in and of itself.

Without that bit of fear, that rush of adrenaline, that butterfly wreaking havoc in your gut as you face a box jump that looks impossible, life wouldn't be worth living.  It wouldn't be a life at all.  We would never know our boundaries and then we would never be able to push past them.  We would never truly know all that we are capable of.  And we are.  We are so fucking capable.

Don't think, just do.  Don't fear, just live.  Don't try to control everything and watch just how much you actually get in return.  Don't worry about your shoulders hurting, your heart breaking, your legs failing you.  We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.  And if we get hurt, because we will, we can handle it.  We'll recover.  We'll stretch and work on mobility and ice our sore muscles.  We'll cry until we piece back together our broken heart.  We'll move forward. We'll get better.  And, if all else fails.....