My Whole Blog Challenge

Last March, I wrote about starting my first Whole 30.  Less than two weeks later, I unexpectedly lost my father and life as I knew it changed forever.  It's taken me nearly a year, but as January approaches I've decided to try again.  Some of you may ask why I (or anyone) would bother following such a "restrictive" lifestyle for 30 days.  Who am I kidding?  Most of you could care less.  Yes, I know it's the time for New Year Resolutions and starting the year off right and all of the crap, but that's not really what I'm focusing on.  My focus is on experimenting with the question of whether food can actually heal me of some other issues that I currently suffer from.  For example, most people don't know that I have an anxiety and panic diagnosis.  In very basic terms, I suffer from regular anxiety and panic attacks that can, at times, disrupt my life.  It's not something I tend to share because it's slightly embarrassing and very hard to explain, but it's the truth.  My panic tends to manifest itself at night, which means I go for extended lengths of time with distorted sleep patterns and am, most often, sleep deprived.  Lucky for me (note the sarcasm), this usually then becomes a circular issue because the less I sleep, the more anxious I get.  I find myself spending many nights on the couch or in a chair fighting with my brain and my body to give me some rest.  It's pretty fucking terrible, to be honest.  Thankfully, it used to be a lot worse but with time, education, and regular therapy (oooohhhhh yeah I said the ugly "t" word), I've gotten better at understanding and living with this disorder.

So, what does this have to do with a Whole 30?  I truly believe that what we put into our bodies in the form of food and nutrition plays a huge impact on how we feel on a daily basis. We all know that eating clean helps us look and perform better, but what impact can it have on our mental and emotional health?  I've heard stories of Whole 30's helping people sleep better, relax easier, and have an overall better quality of life.  This refers to an actual Whole 30.  Thirty days without one "cheat" - not one sip of alcohol, or bite of dairy, or slip of sugar.  Thirty days of fairly extreme clean eating to re-boot the system and assist the body in balancing its metabolism and, maybe even, its endocrine system.  After the year I've had, I'm absolutely willing to try.

Thinking about doing something for thirty days seems simple, but I know from experience that it's harder than it seems.  To turn down that glass of wine or even that invitation for dinner isn't always the easiest choice in the moment so I'm hoping to use this blog to get me through it.  Hence, my 30 day Whole Blog challenge.  I commit to writing an entry every single day for 30 days as I go through this Whole 30. I'll write about what I've been eating or cooking, how I've been feeling, and generally what effects the Whole 30 is having on my body.  This will keep me accountable while maybe inspiring someone else to participate in a Whole 30.  Right now it's my intention to start on the 6th of January (conveniently AFTER our CrossFit Grand Rapids holiday party).  If you're interested in joining me on the journey, take the next week to read up on a Whole 30 here.

Here's to making 2014 a calm and healing year.

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

Today's your birthday.  Last year at this time we were planning your surprise 60th birthday party and this year...well, looks like we're the ones in for the surprise.  Because you're not here.  God, I miss you.  I miss your constant phone calls, your ridiculous emails and all of your stories about the newest thing you saw Stella do.  I look at her and how fast she's growing and how smart and beautiful and funny she is and I get angry that you're not here to see it.  That she's not here to see you.  She saw your picture the other day and she pointed at it and said "grandpa."  It was simultaneously amazing and devastating to me.  Almost as much as the fact that my children will never know you.  Will never know either of the people who bred and raised me and taught me to be the woman that I am.

Today is your birthday and instead of feeling joyous I just feel sad.  So terribly, heartbreakingly sad.  I'm so sorry that this happened to you, dad.  I'm sorry that you were always the strong one and that, in the moment that you had absolutely no control, your life was taken from you and there was nothing that you could do about it.  That any of us could do about it.  I'm sorry we couldn't protect you the way that you always protected us.   I'm sorry I didn't talk to you the morning you went into surgery, and that when I talked to you the night before I didn't say "I love you."  I think I regret that most of all, because I do. I love you so much, dad.  And I was a selfish brat the night before when you called, busy and rushed and without the time to appreciate your voice over the phone.  If only I would have known it would be the last time that I ever spoke to you.

Today is your birthday and in a few weeks it will be mom's and then the holidays and neither of you are here anymore and it just doesn't feel right.  It doesn't feel magical or wondrous.  It just feels kind of empty without you here.  You were one of the two most important men in my life and some days I feel so lost without you.  Like a little girl who can't find her way.  It's so unfair that today, on your birthday, I'm writing you a letter that you will never read because you are no longer here.  That I will never again feel your mustache tickle my cheek when you kiss me hello.  That we will never again laugh at our inside jokes, or argue about the same old issues.  That you won't be going outside to play with the dogs, or laughing at something that Stella does, or making spinguni on Christmas Eve.  That you won't walk me down the aisle.

Happy birthday, dad.  I miss you every single day and can only hope that you're somewhere out there, with mom, watching over me as I live my life the best way that I know how.  That you smile when I do something right and maybe even laugh when I stumble a little bit.  That you're together and happy and at peace.

All my love,

Shuey

Random Thoughts

They say when you write a blog you need to update at least twice a month.  By the way, I'm not actually sure who "they" is...I just know "they" are out there and probably thinking I need to turn in my blogger card and tuck tail.  If I had a blogger card.  Which I don't.  Anywho...(my friend Shannon hates when people say that....so that was for you, Shan).  Anywho...

I'll be honest.  The reason I haven't written lately is because I was afraid of how my writing would read.  As in tone.  I've been...pissed...a lot lately.  Not really on the outside - I can't imagine many people in my life can tell that a storm has been brewing underneath.  But inside....yeah, fire breathing angry.  I.  Miss.  My.  Dad.  What happened should not have happened, especially not in the way that it happened.  After losing one parent, I don't know how any higher entity could think it was ok to take the only parent that I had left.  And for my dad to go out the way he did was a crime.  If he didn't live a long life (which he should have) my dad should have gone down in a blaze of fucking glory. He was a car guy.  He had some spirit in him.  He should never, ever have ended his life brain dead in a fucking hospital bed while we were forced to pull the plug.  Yeah, shit just got really real, didn't it?  This is why I haven't written.

I know this is a blog about CrossFit and health and food and fitness and the only thing on my mind lately has been that.  So you see why I haven't written?  But I know it's time.  I can't just let everything fall to the wayside while I stew in a sea of whatever yuck I'm currently going through.  It took my dear friend Ryan to tell me it was time to update.

This is Ryan.  More about him later.

The only problem is...I started this post without knowing what I was going to write about.  And as I'm writing I still don't really know.  So this is going to be a pretty damn random post, hence the title.  I'm not original at all today.  Whatever.

Let's start with Ryan.  Ryan is probably close to the only 22 year old person who I can actually stand.  I'll admit it.  At the age of almost-not-quite-don't-yet-call-me 32, I sometimes find people in their early 20's a little hard to relate to.  It's not that I don't understand where they are in life because I totally do.  I'm just not there anymore.  So it's easier to lay in bed with a screaming hangover cursing them out for being able to throw back twice as many drinks and get up in the morning and do it all over again.  But Ryan, like most of my CFGR crew, just has a special place in my soul.  He said it perfectly the other day - inside the gym we are all equals.  We're a team.  It doesn't matter our age, income level, marital status, job title....sometimes we don't even know those things about each other. Inside, the only thing that matters is that we sweat together, lift together, PR together, push each other, and gather in a place doing something that many people just don't understand...and love every minute of it.  So good work Ryan...way to point that out.  Now I've officially given you a shout-out in my blog and you can stop asking for one.

Lately I've been feeling like the mother hen of the gym.  I'm not complaining about it - I just don't know how I always seem to fall into those roles.  I guess I just tend to like to take care of other people and organize things, so I plan events, order team shirts, organize outings, bake birthday cakes and stock coolers with food for our competitions.  And I love it.  I love knowing that I can make the lives of the people that I care so very much about a little easier.  I just have to try to remember to take just as much time to take care of myself as well.  Sometimes that gets pushed to the background a little.

What else?  I just got a new car.  It's cute.  And fast.  And blue.  This has nothing to do with CrossFit but I don't care because I LOVE driving it.  I'm also in the process of buying (and building, no less) my first house.  I mean...sheesh! How much can I do at once??  But why not, right?  Balllllleeeerrrrrrrrrr.  (Not really).

Beep Beep!

I've been researching and dappling (dabbling??) with the idea of intermittent fasting.  Who knows what that is?  I've also been looking at a hybrid of IF with the BulletProof fast, which essentially fasts with the exception of a bulletproof coffee in the morning.  Kinda.  Read it yourself if you want all the facts....I'm still not totally done with my research.  But I follow a facebook page of women who fast and strength train and I like the info that they put out.  So if I actually get into it more seriously I'll probably write about.  In three months from now. In my next blog post.  While you're waiting for it, check out my friend Justin's blog.  He's our summer CFGR intern who flew the coop and moved to Midland to open his own box.  He also likes to squat a lot and post pictures of himself doing so on Facebook and Instagram.  I like to make fun of him for doing it.  But I love him anyway.  Even when he lip sings to Kesha like this. Ok..post finished.

Here's a picture of Justin.  Squatting.  I didn't want to hear him whine that I posted a picture of Ryan and not of him.  

Never Hesitate To Ask For What You Want

The biggest epiphony hit me today over the smallest incident.  I didn't have anything to bring for lunch so I was forced to go out.  Planning on getting a salad, I walked over to Grand Central Market only to find the menu was filled with sandwiches and the deli case was filled with an assortment of cold pasta salads.  I pondered for five minutes trying to determine what to get when I really only wanted a salad. So I just asked if they could make me one even though it was off menu.  Surprisingly, they were more than willing to whip something together for me.  I walked out of there for less than $6 armed with this....

       

Don't mind the excessive amount of La Croix cans in the background

I know you're probably wondering, "Really Michele?  You're writing about what you had for lunch?"  But hear me out a minute.  I tend to forget that I have the ability to simply ask people for what I want.  Sometimes it's because of my ego or my pride, and other times it's because I don't want to put anybody out.  Often I find that my instinct is to just float along so as not to cause any problems, hoping that everything works out for the best.  Seriously, though....how fucking stupid is that concept????  Where will that attitude get me in life?

I urge everyone out there in blog-world to think about this.  What do you want out of life?  What is one thing everyday that you could ask for, but choose not to?  Is it help on your front squats (God knows I need that), a special request for lunch, or the raise you think you deserve but have never had the courage to ask for?  I encourage each and every one of you to go out there and do everything you can to get it.  I am making a personal commitment to do this for myself as well.  Remember - we have nothing to lose and quite possibly everything to gain.

Excuse Me While I Preach A Little

I'd like to talk to you all about gimmicks.  I'm warning you, this is probably going to get a little soapboxy....

Anyway, I was driving the other day and I heard a commercial on the radio for a weight loss water.  I shit you not....a water.  Apparently, if you buy this magical water, you will be able to lose weight due to the amazingness of the ingredients it contains. Buzz words like "green coffee bean" and "acai berry" were all over this ad.  Evidently, water with added ingredients makes you skinny.  By the end of this commercial, I think I looked like this ....... 

I was going for angry but she looks a little evil.  Cute, but evil....

I can't for the life of me understand why people fall for this stuff.  A diet WATER?!?!?  Come on, people.  Do you want to know what can help you lose weight? Water!  Nothing special.  Nothing added.  Plain ol' can-even-be-from-your-tap water.

As a society we are inundated with advertisements like this.  We are so image obsessed that people believe that they need to fit into a certain mold to be appreciated, desired, loved or taken seriously.  

Ideal body image is another topic for another day.  Regardless of what that ideal is to you, the problem is that we also tend to want instant gratification with as little work as possible.  We are the advertising and development companies' wet dream.  Weight loss cookies, bars, water, crackers, powder, pills, shakes...they saturate the market promising instant results with as little to no work as possible.  How long until we realize that pumping these artificial chemicals into our bodies or paying for something that we can get at home DOSEN'T WORK??

Do you want to be at your ideal level of fitness?  Do you want to feel as healthy and look as bangin' as possible?  I have the magic formula for you and, if you're the first ten readers, I won't even charge you for it.  (*wink*)  Ready???

  +  

=  

 

Stepping down off my soapbox now....

Finding My Way Back

It's about time that I post an entry that I authored, don't ya think?  I think so.  So here I am - hopefully this will stop the ragging I've been getting from certain people at the box.....ryansammarc....

So where have I been?  In the most basic terms, I've been surviving.  I'm not going to make this entry a pity party woe is me post but I'm just being honest.  I miss my dad.  So fucking much.  I spend most days vacillating between still being in shock that he's gone to feeling angry and robbed to just wanting to curl up in my bed and cry.  I tend to do that more times than I care to admit.  There's not much that I can do these days that doesn't somehow remind me of my dad.  It's difficult.  So, with all of that, updating this blog hasn't been the first thing on my mind but I do realize that life does go on.  It has to and that's what he would want for me.

In the last few months, I've found solace and comfort between the walls of a big ol' building filled with bumper plates and boxes, tractor tires and testosterone driven men.  Most people may think that the endorphin rush you get from a good workout would lift anyone's spirit and I'm not denying that's part of the appeal.  However, deep down I know that the reason I find myself drawn to that incredibly hot building is not just for the high but also....mostly....because of the people.  Many of the individuals that make up the heart of that place are part of my family and they have become some of the most important people in my life.  My coach, my fellow athletes and their families have come to mean more to me than I can describe, have embedded themselves in my heart deeper than people I have known for decades.  We laugh together, we sweat together, we make fun of each other and push each other, we listen to Toto (over and over and over and over).  We come early and stay late.  We leave it all on the floor - blood, sweat and tears, energy, emotion and elation...it comes out in the purest form inside those four walls.  So, in my first post back from what has felt like the depths of hell, I just want to say thank you.  Thank you to my team - my family - who have gotten me through these past few months.  Thanks for not letting me give up and for making me laugh yet allowing me to cry.  Most of all.....thanks for being you.

Hello?? Anyone Out There??

Um...hi.  Remember me?  It's been awhile.  Since my dad died, certain aspects of my life have been very difficult.  Sleeping isn't always that great and creativity has taken a real hit.  When I write anything, from blog posts, to journal entries to pieces of a ::whisper:: book project I'm attempting, I like to get absorbed in it.  I like to lose myself in it.  Feel the flow, if you will.  That hasn't been happening lately.  It took me three days and nearly 8 hours to write two 500ish word articles for the magazine I contribute to on work-related topics.  Yes, you read that correctly.....eight frickin' hours.  Life isn't all sunshine and lollipops lately, but I'm doing my very best day after day to get back there. 

Because I haven't been able to get a complete post together quite yet, I'm giving you guys another guest read.  Mike Manning emailed me awhile ago after finding my blog.  He labels himself as a fitness and healthy living enthusiast and for some reason liked what I was putting out there!  He asked if he could author a guest post on how fitness and eating healthy can specifically benefit frequent travelers and those on vacation.  Because I've obviously NOT been doing my job of unloading my foul-mouthed musings on you, I thought I'd let you hear what Mike had to say.  Mike has started his own blog, which you can follow if you'd like to keep track of his health and fitness journey.  Thanks for contacting me, Mike!

**************************

Easy Ways To Fit Exercise Into Your Travel Schedule

Whether you travel for business or pleasure, you can expect to endure a number of inconveniences and stresses during your trip. Delayed schedules, hurried meals and milling crowds can make travel exhausting and uncomfortable. Continuing your exercise routine while you travel can help you to weather these problems with a better attitude. Travelers can find a number of ways to keep themselves fit while on their journey.

Fitness Apps

The invention of smartphones has allowed travelers to have a multitude of helpful applications for their diet and fitness needs. These apps can be quickly downloaded onto your phone to allow you to check calorie counts of popular dishes from restaurant chains, plan running routes, track time, and find hiking trails. Other apps can help you find bike-friendly routes or inform fitness-buff friends back at home of your current progress. Many apps have a combination of features that can help you stay focused on your fitness goals no matter where you roam.

Fitness Retreats

While you are away from home, you can enjoy the flavor of a region while still sticking to your fitness training by joining a fitness retreat. A yoga retreat in a serene setting, a longevity retreat at a local diet and spa center or retreat that features outdoor activities can put a new spark in your exercise routine while allowing you to interact with others of the same inclination. They can also get you into closer contact with local mindset and natural landscape of the area you’re visiting.

Relieving Travel Stress

Stress is a common problem during periods of travel. Business meetings, tight flight schedules, changes in daily activities, erratic eating patterns and finding your way through unfamiliar environments can make people keyed up and out of sorts. Exercise is the best way to relieve common travel stress and regulate your mood. 　Maintaining your normal exercise level will allow you to have a better night’s sleep and keep your sunny disposition intact. Pack exercise bands and yoga clothing to help you unwind in your room after a busy day of travel.

 

Researching Your Options

Before setting out on your travels, do a bit of research on the hotels in the area. Some may offer more in-house fitness options for your needs. If swimming gives you a good workout, make sure the hotel has a pool and find out if it is indoor or outdoor. My specific fitness needs are that I like to workout early in the morning as to not disrupt my day. On a recent trip to Maui I used a travel site in order to see which hotels offer complimentary 24-hour gyms. Here I used a list of Maui hotels to discern whether I could get my early morning workouts in with their facilities.　See if the hotel has any running or hiking trails nearby. The concierge may be able to tell you if a local by-the-day gym is in the neighborhood. They may also be able to tell you about local spas or fitness retreats that are in the area. 　This preparation can help you to enjoy your visit more.